self·ish | \ ˈsel-fish \
1: concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2: arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others.
Why do people act like you’ve committed the crime of life when you decide to start being selfish? For many reasons selfishness is necessary, a rite of passage if you will, into adulthood and total independence. At some point in our lives we all have to figure out how to be selfish. A common misconception is that you can’t be selfish and care for others at the same time. That’s not true. It’s possible if you make it so. People today have more expectations of the people in their lives. We expect others to be so much for us that we 1, forget how to self soothe and suffice on our own, and 2 we indirectly enable our counterparts to depend on us as well. We have to do our own emotional work and stop forcing people to do it for us.
Realistically were caught up in these ideas of who we think we should be for other people, when we’re really only obligated to be ourselves, for ourselves. The first law of human nature is Self-Preservation. Self-Preservation is defined as “A natural or instinctive tendency to act so as to preserve one’s own existence.” That means that your first rule of thumb in life is to preserve yourself i.e. be selfish sometimes.
Think about this, when you take the time out to gain knowledge and turn that knowledge into wisdom, you become wise. When you’re wise to something, you have understanding and can show and prove that understanding in wise words and actions. With knowledge, wisdom, and understanding of SELF, you can clearly identify acts of self-preservation in others. Those acts you identify in others won’t threaten you or upset you because you ultimately understand, that person is doing what’s best for themselves. I have nothing but respect for a person that makes a decision that is best for them.
I struggled a lot with selfishness. I prided myself on not being a selfish person, and always being supportive. I put others before myself constantly. I made sure I was always emotionally and physically available to all the people I loved. That shit gets exhausting and becomes work! I had to take a step back and choose me. I had to understand that choosing me is not a choice against the people I love. It has nothing to do with them. Being the best me allows me to be a better friend, sister, cousin, partner etc.
If you’re stuck between yourself and something/someone else, choose yourself.
I want to leave you all with this. Don’t be hard on yourself for being selfish when you need to be. Don’t take it personal when the people you love choose themselves either. It’s a necessary choice in this thing we call life. Your survival depends on it.
A friend of mine told me once “Don’t worry about the people that don’t support you just focus on those that do.” He’s right, whatever decision you make to better yourself won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and it doesn’t have to be. It just has to be your cup of tea.
Choose You More..
Be true. Be beautiful. & Be blessed.
-B
Unrelated Food For Thought:
Do you know what you want? Like forreal. Do you know why you want it? Do you know how you’re going to get it? Do you know what it looks like? Hint: “once you know the why? The how and they what are easy.”
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