I am finally sharing a book that contributed to the largest shift in my mental, emotional, and spiritual perspective. I read this book at the very beginning of my spiritual journey and it laid the foundation for the majority of my growth. I had seen the book floating around for at least a year prior to actually reading it and I had finally reached a point where I, in so many words, couldn’t resist the call of the book any longer. The 4 Agreements talks about 4 key principles that you can adopt and adapt to your life to live better in efforts to begin creating your heaven on earth. The author, Don Miguel Ruiz, uses a metaphor of a dream, to, in my opinion, delicately express the nature in which humanity is taught to think, and the idols and images we are taught to look up to. Ruiz states that everything we as humans perceive is really a dream. We are all born with the vast capability to dream as big as our consciousness will let us but instead we are taught to dream societies dream for us, in societies way. We are convinced that societies dream for us leads us to believe we are establishing our heaven on earth when in reality it perpetuates our hell on earth. We create this hell by striving to assimilate to a set standard and sacrificing ourselves to live, fulfill, and shape someone else’s dream, that which is not our own. We learn from the authority figures and leaders and care givers in our shared nurtured spaces as children. We learn what to like, what not to like, how to behave, what Is inherently “good” or “bad,” beauty and so much more. We learn all of this through language, media, and other outlets. This book provided me 4 concepts that slowly allowed me to break out of societies dream and truly see my own again.
The 4 Agreements and my take:
BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
“Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”
This agreement took me all the way back to my days at the St. Louis Internship Program, (2012) when the facilitator told me “Your name is your brand and your word is your bond.” I have always been a person who strived to be forth right and honest and honor my word but I felt it was important to life, even more so, after seeing it as one of these agreements. This was the first step to giving everything I had to say, the same honor as I gave things I already felt were worth saying. I had to learn, all I seek to express and share is worth saying and that I have to practice intention when I use the power of my voice and my word. I had to gain more understanding of the power my word held and avoiding using my words to down or bash myself was the beginning of that. I made the decision to be a truth seeker and truth teller, I had to make peace with all that would come with this because we know how our culture treats the truth teller, we’re always crazy until we’re right. Moving forward I encourage you, soul friends and family, to begin or continue being impeccable with your word, make it a requirement. As Ruiz stated in the book, wake up each morning and make a simple agreement with yourself to honor these things until it becomes an intentional action that is a part of your lifestyle.
DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONAL
“Nothing others do I because of you. What others say and do is a reflection of their reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
This agreement speaks for itself. By now we should all know that the world indeed responds to us and how we respond to it, but the actions and reactions of others do not concern or involve us, almost never. Like Ruiz stated it is a reflection of their reality and inner world. If someone meets you with nastiness or negativity, those things are currently living in their heart and mind spaces. They shoot that energy at you to feel some relief from the pain they feel constantly. What we internalize takes space in our bodies and what we do not address and heal manifests in how we treat others. Take nothing personal unless it is directed towards you and even then, see through the veils of negative energy and recognize that we are even more deserving of love at our worst than at our best. Let it go and send them love, don’t take it personal.
DON’T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
“Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement you can completely transform your life.
When I was in the 6th grade I had a history teacher who told the class “Never assume because then you make an ASS out of U and ME (get it lol).” This agreement is all about communication, if it hasn’t been said or demonstrated don’t assume it will be, if you are wondering if it will be, be brave in your efforts and ask. We are human and we make things bigger and harder than they have to truly be, for fear of many things. We have learned that fear is a lie, if someone makes you feel bad for asking a question or seeking the truth or clarity of the matter remind yourself of agreement 2 and don’t take it personal, stand firm in the fact that you were not aware and did what needed to be done to become aware, nothing more nothing less to analyze or think about.
ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
“Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy opposed to being sick. Under any circumstances simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse, and regret”
This was by far the most influential agreement. It said to me, to be compassionate and kind to myself in all things when I give my very best. It taught me to be compassionate with what I saw as my best. I learned to love myself at my best and my worst. If this resonates with you, this agreement gave me a softer way to judge myself. It broke the construct that was there before and began creating one of my own that fits me like a glove. No one else can be measured by my best and worst and that’s what helps me to shift my energy from comparing myself to others and being grateful for the place and space I currently acquire.
I have a very overactive mind, so for me whenever I would sense my other thinking inner self, obsessing or freaking out I would remind myself of the agreement that best fit the situation. When negative self-talk would immerge and evolve into obsessive thoughts I would ask myself “who told you that? Yourself?” “Did you do your best? If so there’s no more you can do outside your very best.” “Are you taking this personal? Could there be another explanation to how you’re feeling?” and so on. It became a daily intentional practice for me to reflect on and apply the 4 agreements to anything that caused an emotional or anxious reaction in my heart and mind space. Its second nature for me now, to decipher between and emotions and feelings and someone else’s. I can clearly own myself and my reactions and that’s an important skill to have.
If it isn’t already apparent as to how this contributed to the foundation of my shifted perspective here is a clearer explanation. The 4 agreements provided a simple structure that facilitated healthy detachment, self-awareness, honesty, respect, and genuine honor of myself and others. With tools that encourage strength in the aspects mentioned above, one should be able to break old thinking patterns and behaviors and replace them more suitable patterns and behaviors for their lifestyle.
I highly recommend this book to anyone wanting to remove the complication and red tape, so to speak, from their spiritual journey. It can be easy to get caught up in the variety of vast information that lives on the other side of spirituality. It helps to strip it all down in its simplest form and seek mastering that first before embarking on anything else.
With All My Love…
Be true. Be beautiful. & Be blessed.
-B
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